[Literary] Yardsss ØØØ releases latest short stories 'You're Literally Not Literally Doing Nothing' and 'It Keeps You Even At Rest'
Yardsss ØØØ main creative force and project ringleader, Krist Krueger, has just released two new literary pieces exclusive to the SG Blahg below. Without further adieu...
You're Literally Not Literally Doing Nothing
Paul reminded me today of a part of myself that I'd somehow lost or at the least suppressed and anchored so deeply it would at best be an afterthought, its defensive properties entirely lost when needed most. It's the part that says 'no' and says so for myself. The part that sticks up for myself in the moment, not after the fact when I'm alone and my mind latches on to the negative internal reactions it seems to excel in manufacturing.
When I was a teenager growing up in that small blue collar town everyone knew; from teachers to city council members and even some police that if they didn't want to go round after round on ethics and moral fortitude they should turn the other way.
I once and very vocally berated and condemned a police officer for issuing me a noise violation at a show I threw in a garage until he finally just drove off. Adults said I had 'no respect for authority' and they were right. I also had no fear and indeed gave no respect to those who didn't offer it in kind. Of course I showed up for that court date, effectively defended myself and got the fine dropped.
Two weeks later I walked off my job after I defended the kitchen staff from another bought of our trust-funded abusive alcoholic boss's infantile temperament who then held a butcher's blade just under my chin and maniacally screamed 'you wanna get fucking cut right fucking now!?' for the entire dining room to hear. I just stood firmly and stared intensely but calmly in his eyes until he dropped the knife on the floor and stormed back to the bar. Guess his mother who owned the place put him on 'administrative leave' for a while after that. Fire in my guts, confidence and no time for bullshit at fifteen years old.
I'd been convincing myself that I still had it knowing full well that even if I did I wasn't using it for me. It's easy to delude ones self when those attributes are still present, when it's always there for friends, for community, for anyone other than yourself. Like a soldier with a martyr complex always volunteering for the front line repeating 'I'll be the shield against all enemies for all others but the bullet meant for me I'll just take and lay down.' I suppose everyone sees themselves as a savior sometimes. The grand sacrifice, blaze of glory, only this blaze never dies down. It's a series of self-effacing breaths continuously stoking the flame and no rain to dampen the pyre. The wider the burn radius the greater the subjugation and the less of myself allowed to remain present while somehow still convinced self-preservation is an active ally.
It's been fourteen years since I've felt truly empowered. Fourteen years until Paul reminded me just today. I'm gonna fight like hell to remember, to keep this close again, to control the flame as best I can and stop being so agreeable and forgiving when it causes me pain. Maybe it's time for others to ask my forgiveness and maybe it's time I only offer it when I can, when it feels right, and keep some of that fire in my guts for myself.
It Keeps You Even At Rest
Seat yourself in a dark room, close your eyes and detach. Imagine your skeleton representing your past is one step behind and the skeleton which is your future is one step ahead. Imagine you as you perceive yourself between them, all three marching, left-right, in time with the ticking of the clock's second hand. That's the reality of time, it keeps you even at rest. You never cease marching forward, it never slows or pauses. We are perpetually marching forward until we cease to be as shall our past, present and future. We were born in a flash and so quickly shall we also bow. Sleep soundly and may your dreams be infinite.
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