A Self Group Collective Literary Publication
SGL001
​By SEVA
​Fiction / Science Fiction
Introduction published 11/2/2023

Out Now:
Preface
Introduction
​Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Introduction
Playlist: Against Me "Baby, I'm An Anarchist!"
​
Forty-two years ago I came barreling onto this plane in the multiverse.
I expect the decision to do so was ill-informed like many other decisions I’ve observed myself making.
Mostly stubbornness on a whim, momentary and would-be fleeting passion.
If I’d waited another few minutes, drifting on a fixed yet aimless trajectory in the cosmos, I’m certain I would have elected to simply remain as specks of carbon on whatever asteroid or cluster of hydrogen molecules on the comet I originated from.
But here I am, a human Earthling at present, riddled with neurodivergence, crippling anxiety and depression, and hard-lined ethos since birth in a period of time on a planet where the “dominant” species are struggling to remember what ethos even are.
And I’m in love.
And it sucks.
To borrow a phrase that I will continue to use in excess honoring a predecessor and metamour of Kilgore Trout, So It Goes.
But this isn’t so much a love story, or love-lost story, about two individual human Earthlings.  It’s about... err... well maybe it is about that and the rest is just driving home a narrative relational to romantic partnership and the human need for it?
The human need to be seen, accepted and celebrated both individually and collectively as both one and many simultaneously and without pretense, labor requisite, or the mirrored embodiment of common propagandized social personas.
That’s the Hollywood blockbuster way right?  And that’s what we’re writing here, a goddamn blockbuster… for people who still prefer to sit in diners drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes til the bar crowd stumbles to their SUV’s and back to the suburbs.
But this isn't Hollywood.
It's phenomenal, the power of belief backed with conviction, and it’s all around us when we step back from what we’ve become desensitized to, that which we’ve come to expect as constant and static.
It's all magick and we're equally practitioners and practicalities.
Alas, this paltry attempt at queueing is merely a disheveled and nonsensical introduction, ad-libbed ad infinitum.
Hope you feel at least vaguely introduced as this brain dances from thought to thought.
I may be hosting the ink on these pages but this is your party.
Have fun kiddo and stay dangerous.
I’ll check back in soon, report ongoing.
C’est la vie, XO.

​Chapter 1
 Playlist: David Bowie "Lazarus"

I don’t know how long I’ve been here.
I know I was forty-two when I woke up but I have no idea if I’m still that age.
Nor do I believe I’ve slept since.
Am I held captive or was this a choice?
What, if anything, exists beyond the walls of this small square room?
There’s no adornment, texture or pattern, just four hard ninety-degree angles in a space no bigger than an industrial kitchen walk-in.
There’s an old wooden desk, sturdy enough, with a Sholes typewriter on top of it and an endless scroll of paper.  Another of Wisconsin’s many contributions to the modern world.
The desk is scarred with ruts from shifting the typewriter forward and backward in passionate inspiration-fueled sprees.
But there are no words, nothing but clean blank paper pressed to the platen by the paper bail and the return arm awaiting permission to reset for the next set of instructions.
An analogy for a lot of people I’ve interacted with.
Blank pages awaiting instructions rather than embodying the agency they inherently have over their own lives.
It feels like permanent dusk in here, the light sources are minimal.
There’s one lamp on the desk in the shape of Earth’s moon that rotates when you turn it on and the tiny motor makes a whispered whirring.
With no other sound in the space that whirring becomes amplified.
Maybe I’m just becoming more and more sensitive to it.
There’s no way to turn the light on without it rotating and its base is fixed to the desktop.
There isn’t even a power cable, like Edison never existed.  Not mad about that, he was an asshole and electrocuted countless animals attempting to falsely debunk Tesla.
On their behalf, fuck you Edison.
And go vegan.
What a strange space this is.
The only other light is from plastic stars adhered to the ceiling.
I remember having these as a kiddo in my bedroom for a while.
The UV light from the sun is supposed to charge them during the day so they glow at night but the yellowish hue began to dim rapidly within a couple of weeks as they held less and less of a charge.
These seem to be permanently charged.
Where they’re getting that charge is unknown.
There are no windows in this room and no sunlight.
But there is a door adjacent the desk.
What looks like old unfinished barnboard trim around a craftsman door.
It doesn’t budge even a millimeter and neither does the rustic tin handset.
No lock or keyhole, just appears to be a façade.
There’s no gap between the door, frame or floor and no light or sound comes through.
Like a master in realism occupied this space at one time and painted it on the wall.
Ok need to sit down for a while, feeling a little, ahem, light-headed.
Examining my hands in the lamplight I can see deepening gaps in the wrinkles on my knuckles and the skin between my thumb and forefinger seems to sag more than I remember.
Whether it’s just the minimal light or I’ve aged well beyond any memory I have of the duration of my occupation here is unknown.
Anyway, I hope you’ve been well.
I think about you often and if energy transference exists here I’m sending positive thoughts.
C’est la vie, XO.

Chapter 2
Playlist: Mazzy Star "Fade Into You"

About being in love ..........................................
C'est la vie, XO.

Chapter 3
Playlist: Fiona Apple "I Want You To Love Me"

​I think about writing, a lot.
Plot ideas, phrases, perfect chapter abridgments pop into my head at consistently inopportune times.
Elaborate fully detailed chapters, in-depth character analysis and beautiful sentence structures drip from my right hemisphere.
All perfectly timed to expire just as soon as I reach a writing utensil and document vacant enough to jot them down.
At times I can resurrect a sampling and some minor details to expand on later but it never has the same organic feel.
Mostly though I just sit at this desk zoning out as I observe my mind playing leapfrog with seemingly disconnected thoughts.
But there's always a linear thread buried somewhere in there, a second layer to the treasure hunt in figuring out what that is exactly like some discovery workshop.
Of late I've just been staring into this moon lamp, watching Tycho disappear and reappear.
Its representation on this illuminated sphere a near perfect circle with perfect dot at its center.
It takes eleven seconds for it to make a full rotation.
Everything in odd primes.
My imagination has been projecting a face on the lunar surface...
I know one of the many caveats of this ADHD is hyper-focus, which presents not only with objects, ideas and tasks but with people as well.
When I have a crush I spend a LOT of time silently sorting out whether I actually have romantic feelings for that person or if my brain is just on another dopamine-seeking trip.
Pausing for the sake of us both and our longterm well-being.
The elusive brain versus the elusive heart, a battle royale.
My therapist has volumes on me about that.
So I go internal, don't respond as expected to advances or hints, until I have a handle on how I actually feel.
But socially common hints and flirtations don't really work with my brain primarily for three reasons...
One: I'm slow to catch on if it's not direct, like days behind the actual act of flirting...
Two: The depression voice tells me all the things depression voices do including "why would this person be romantically interested in me? Can't be what I'm sensing it is, my radar must be fritzing out..."
And three: Other's boundaries are incredibly important to me to the extent that I won't ask the person if they'd be willing to take time and space to talk about and process whether romantic feelings are mutual.
I'm firmly aware that I make myself near impossible to deal with on this level.
Perhaps that's by subconscious design.
The only move that's ever worked with me is the other individual being direct and asking me.
That's how all of my primary longterm partnerships have begun, they just asked.
I know it all sounds like a cop-out but it's real.
ACAB includes cop-outs.
​I spend a lot of time thinking about whether, why, how and where those ancient invented "gender roles" are still visible and whether those expectations actually continue to be prevalent.
That they ever were is mind-blowing to me.
Egalitarianism and continued work toward the erasure of those "gender roles" is another reason I prefer the other individual takes initiative.
Being asked exemplifies to me that individual also shares my egalitarian ethos.
So yeah, there's a lot of shit wrapped up in my head around all of this.
Needless to say, I'm sitting glorbs knows where in this fucking room staring into a moon lamp still thinking about them, having never asked if they felt the same way I do... the way I still do.
Fuck my life for being a romantic, especially a neurodivergent romantic, what a trip to observe.
I mean I love romance, I'm a goddamned fool for it, but getting stuck on it without being able to express it is, to say the very least, brutal.
The blessings versus the absolute detriment of this brain and heart.
The elusive brain versus the elusive heart, a blabble bloyblahblahblah.
Ok, my eyes are tired and Tycho is just a blur on the lamp now.
Goodnight, get some good rest.
C'est la vie, XO.

Chapter 4
Playlist: Aloha "Ice Storming"

​It's just darkness.
With no sunrise or set there's no gauge of how time is passing.
It could be hours or years.
Sleep is an abstract concept and my historical filmography of subconscious dreamscapes just an allusion to experiences I think I've had prior.
Who's to say.
I've built a scale out of the typewriter ribbon feeder and take-up reels with the return arm as its pillar.
There is dust here which signals there is a world outside of this room, particulate mass finding even the slightest of cracks to pass through and settle on these few surfaces alongside shedded dead skin cells.
Collecting it as I can using spit to form tiny clods.
​Cannon fodder for the scale's canonic measure.
On the floor with legs v'd barricading the crudely constructed device, contemplating the perceived value of my life.
What have I actually accomplished?
What is my own personal measure of what accomplishment is?
Does the balance tip toward positive, supportive, helpful work in the world?
Or am I villainous with good sprinkled in to satisfy a need for justification?
Most importantly did I live in accordance of my own ethos?
I don't know enough about astral projection to know if that's what I'm doing...
Going back in time as far as my memory will allow with minimal distortion, invention or exaggeration...
But...
Who fucking cares.
It's just me here.
​Fuck this place.
​No gods, no masters.

Photo by Katie Summer / Feelfull Photography

We are excited to announce that Portland record labels Amigo/Amiga and Self Group Collective are joining forces! In these present times of great uncertainty in the music industry and into the future, we believe that working collectively allows us to broaden our work within our community while continuing to create the records and art that we love, as well as—in some version of the future—the shows and tours we play.

Amigo/Amiga began in 2009 in an old rental house off SE 37th Ave as a way to release the music we were recording in our basement. The first year, we released a/b singles, which culminated with our first full-length releases: Drew Grow & the Pastors’ Wives self-titled album and Kelli Schaefer’s Ghost of the Beast. A lot has happened in the decade since, including records from Modern Kin and Bombay Beach, follow up releases from Grow and Schaefer, countless tours, videos and a crazy livestream of 7 shows in 24 hours from Modern Kin in 2013 titled Hello, World. The independent, self-sustaining, collective-minded principles of Amigo/Amiga have made for a productive and exciting decade, and we are eager to move forward with Self Group Collective to release the next batch of new work.

Self Group Collective officially launched in early 2010 with a similar style of DIY collectivism and rapidly evolved into a broader coalition where the means of production, control and ownership of rights, royalties, and all else governing each individual artists’ career is decidedly theirs alone, while each operating as a member of the shared collective. The principles of anarcho-syndicalist creative collectivism also represent the group’s commitment to community benefit work most notably through Rx Fest (all profits from the festival are donated to local non-profits while providing another outlet and opportunity for community engagement), as well as the donation of a percentage of all sales from the Mart (web store). Self Group Collective boasts releases from Yardsss, Morher, Institute For Creative Dying and more.

From Self, to Self Group, Amigxs, Amigas, Amigos, now Self Group Collective, our work has consistently embodied the notion that there is “no lone straw holding the cup;” that an accomplishment for one is an accomplishment for all; “a rising tide lifts all boats;” and whatever idiom best represents the lived experience that we all do better when we work together. We look forward to continuing to expand that work moving into the future.

Keep an eye out for previously unreleased material, updates, new releases, and someday, tours.

SG051 Institute For Creative Dying release new and third full-length album 'Siphonophore' on December 21st!  ICD is the solo project of Yardsss ∅∀‡ Paul Michael Schaefer.  Read more about the album below.

Paul recorded Siphonophore in Little Debee’s bedroom while sheltering in place awaiting the birth of their daughter. This collection of guitar lullabies diverges from the characteristic audio-environments of Institute for Creative Dying. These emergent melodies shimmer with a kind of bioluminescence suspended within the cold depths of a watery void—a nightlight.

Artist Page • SG Mart • Bandcamp • iTunes • Spotify
​

​Yardsss ∅∀‡ releases new video for 'Cultus IV', a fourth and previously unreleased track from the three part album Cultus.  The video was filmed and edited by Sadrday at Haywire Recording Studio in Portland, OR during the recording of the album which is entirely improvisational.

This is the first of two videos for the album which was originally released on September 11th 2020 via the Self Group Collective.  You can stream the audio and learn more about the record via the following links.

Proceeds from the album go to local Portland nonprofits and organizations including Outside In and Defense Fund PDX.

Artist Page • SG Album Blahg • Bandcamp • iTunes • Spotify

We are re-launching Self Group Promotion into the public sphere!  Founded in 2005 we are the leading and only professional poster distributor in Portland, OR.  In 2010 however we stopped publicly advertising to the public and instead exclusively focused on our roster of clients (Monqui Presents, Wonder Ballroom, Doug Fir Lounge, Crystal Ballroom/McMenamins, Mississippi Studios and more and more).

At least until we can get back on our feet in the concert industry we are re-opening for one-off campaigns for outdoor distribution.  We are not currently offering retail at this time.  That means your campaign posters on poles throughout the city.  Additionally we've been doing poster and graphic design since 2005 as well for our roster of clients as well as for Self Group and the collective as a whole.  We can design your poster, send it to print and distribute all in one-stop.

We are also opening our doors to button-making!  This is something we've done ourselves for our own SG collective, Rx Fest as well as artist buttons but are now offering it as a service.

Also also, we are offering website building and development!  Either an initial build that you can maintain thereafter with graphic design and layout included or we can maintain and update your website for you for a monthly fee.

Also also also, we can do all of your album design, layout and get everything prepped to send off to the printer!

A practice space in SE Portland was broken into on the AM of Sunday, October 4th.  Three local bands were affected and had equipment stolen (Charts, The Woolen Men and Yardsss).  If anyone has information or leads regarding the theft please contact us at info@selfgroup.org.  Feel free to share the full manifest jpg to social media and the pdf with any individuals, gear or pawn shops.

Social Media Tags (Instagram):
Charts • @chartspdx
The Woolen Men • @thewoolenmen
Yardsss • @yardsssart

#weprotectus
#community
​#solidarity
​

SG050
​Yardsss ∅∀‡
Cultus
​9/11/2020
Stream ≠ Download • Bandcamp • iTunes • Spotify
Artist Page​ • Artist Mart

Proceeds from 'Cultus' go to local Portland orgs and nonprofits including Outside In and Defense Fund PDX as well as local mutual aid including support for evacuees of the Oregon wildfires * If you'd like to donate directly you can do so through Self Group's PayPal
​
ABOUT THE ALBUM [DIRECT FROM YARDSSS]
It may not be apparent given the instrumental nature of the project but Yardsss is very much a political band.  We stand on our anarcho-syndicalist and collectivist principles; we release our recordings independently through a collective we established, all decisions are made utilizing direct democracy and must be unanimous, we navigate our creative sphere with a known responsibility and requirement to support our community, to take accountability for the wellbeing of others. One way we actively exercise that is by making all of our releases, shows and tours benefits with proceeds going to local Portland organizations, nonprofits and mutual aid.  Communities raise each other, catch one another when we fall on hard times, keep each other safe and provide support when needed to get back on our feet.

We chose 9/11 as the release date for this album as the events in 2001 and the US Federal Governments’ response to those events very much apply to what is continuing through the present day.  Nearly fourteen months after, then-President George W Bush, announced the formation of the Department of Homeland Security; an agency that would combine twenty-two law enforcement agencies under one central bureau.  DHS effectively locked-down the borders with TSA and later ICE alongside response units like BORTAC, created militaristic checkpoints at all ports of entry (most visibly and notably airports), vastly expanded the mass surveillance of American citizens with the hasty passing (forty-five days after) of the "Patriot Act" (see the ACLU's infographic) and effectively and otherwise quietly declared martial law on the United States.

In 2003 DHS absorbed the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service) and in doing so divided the agency into two separate new agencies being ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services).  Among its many atrocities, ICE agents are known to abduct immigrants and future citizens at courthouses while they attempt to file immigration and naturalization paperwork.  All of this under the guise of “keeping Americans safe from ‘the terrorists.’”  The attacks on the World Trade Center towers and building seven killed 2,976; the US retaliation two years later under false premise and incorrect intel has killed 1,690,903 Iraqi, 80,644 Afghani and 80,000 Pakistani people as well as the imprisonment and torture of individuals, many solely on suspicion, at prisons like Guantanamo Bay.

The means and methodologies of Governments to suppress dissent is vast and not new to the world, especially the United States.  What occurred with the post-9/11 creation of DHS, the militaristic arming of local LEO’s, the lack of oversight and recourse against both the Federal as well as local Governments, qualified immunity, police unions and an array of defense methods to evade accountability all play a role in the enhanced brutality, lawlessness and terror that law enforcement enacts on citizens.

Post-9/11 also saw the drastic rise of hate crimes directed toward Islamic, Middle Eastern and BIPOC individuals within the US including the burning of Mosque’s and Middle Eastern-owned businesses among countless other horrific acts of violence committed by citizens on other citizens.  This racism and bias was given license and direction to violently act out through paranoia seeded at the highest levels of Government and validated by the militarization of public spaces.

It’s been known by the FBI since at least 1992 (and antifascists well before) that racist, far-right white nationalists had enacted a plan to infiltrate police forces throughout the US; in the Pacific Northwest especially.  If you think that LEO’s are impartial or neutral we implore you to look at the events even just in the last decade through this lens to understand that in part what is happening has been known for three decades; that racism absolutely and unquestionably exists within the agencies from local police through DHS and that since the advent of the Department of Homeland Security license has been given, though publicly applauded in the last almost four years by the “Office of the President”, for decades.

Abolish the police.  We need community-driven organizations and mutual aid that support our communities directly, that are specific to the needs of those communities.  We do not need a brutal force that only serves to punitively punish by incarceration, fine, show of force through physical brutality and murder.  We must as a community collectively and uniformly abolish systemic racism and act every day in ways that make us safe, that protect our community members, while bearing witness and intervening directly when our community is at risk.

We wish to make it very clear; if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, islamophobic or otherwise attempt to enact violence on our community (human or animal), don’t buy our records and don’t come to our shows. #weprotectus

"America is just a word but I use it." - Ian MacKaye / Fugazi
​
​With love and solidarity,

Yardsss

#BlackLivesMatter

To further study and inform yourself about the Patriot Act we suggest the following sources (also used as references  for this article):
​
ACLU: The Sun Must Go Down on the Patriot Act
ACLU: Surveillance Under the USA Patriot Act
ACLU: Summary Of Conference Report on Patriot Act Reauthorization
Crimethinc: The Age of Conspiracy Charges
NY Times: In Debate Over Patriot Act; Lawmakers Weigh Risks vs Liberty
US DOJ: The USA Patriot Act
​
-----
​
REVIEWS
"Where runs the line between drone, ambient, and post-rock? It sometimes seems as if the borders between these genres are often blurred and porous as dexterous bands navigate them without much trouble. The feedback and delay on post-rock’s guitars elongate, the atmosphere of ambient quivers with the shattering, world-erasing susurrations of drone and all falls before just sheer music, no labels needed. Incidentally, this is exactly how I’d describe Yardsss‘ upcoming release, ∅∀‡ | Cultus. It’s an expansive slow burn of an album, taking its time to build towards some really fascinating crescendos, sounds, and musical ideas.

This sort of album can be super hard to unpack but, luckily, Yardsss aren’t going to just leave us hanging. “Cultus I” starts off with a long ramp of slowly unraveling and building silence, all the way to its cataclysmic end. Pay special attention to all the instruments going off in the background of this explosion of energy, the way the guitars swim together into a million and one shattered tracks, coming back together into a whole. It will probably make sense to you if, in these moments of musical chaos and cohesion, I told you that this entire thing was recorded live and was completely improvised. Makes sense, right? You can feel that raw energy on it as the first collapses around you.
If you still have doubts, perhaps the punk infused, no holds barred guitars and drums that usher in the middle segments of “Cultus II” will convince you? They harness that unbridled energy even more, running wild with the core of Yardsss’ sound on this release. And then there’s “Cultus III”. Actually, I’m going to leave the third track for you to explore. It’s a ride and then some, clocking in at just below twenty two minutes." - Heavy Blog Is Heavy

"On September 11, Portland experimental group Yardsss ∅∀‡ will release their new album, Cultus via Self Group. The album is a trio of extended improvisational pieces that prominently feature drones, dissonance and an ominous aura, bringing to mind the epic and eerie sounds of Godspeed You! Black Emperor or the no wave symphonies of Glenn Branca. It’s at times chaotic, beautiful and overwhelming, and today they’ve shared the lead track from the album, titled “Cultus II.” It’s a pulsing piece of dark psychedelia, underscored by a krautrock pulse, that builds up into something powerful and hypnotic, eventually boiling over into a climactic post-rock roar.  The symbols in the group’s name indicate which lineup is involved, and in this case, Yardsss ∅∀‡ signifies the full lineup of Paul Michael Schaefer, Robin Levy and Krist Krueger." - Treble Zine

"Free your mind and your brain cells will follow! WTF – Portland’s Yardsss is the straight up JAM and so is their soon to be released album ∅∀‡ | Cultus. Their improvisational Space Kraut Rock never fucking misses a beat, and that’s why I have their song “Cultus I” on repeat. Listening to their music makes me happy and stoked to be alive!" - Cvlt Nation

#rxfest2020 #musicismedicine

Yardsss ∅∀‡ have announced new dates in the pacific northwest including stops in Bellingham and Seattle!  These are likely to be the last two shows of the year, both all ages and sliding scale.

10.26 Bellingham, WA • Make.Shift
​EVENT/RSVP

10.27 Seattle, WA • Teatro de la Psychomachia
EVENT/RSVP

​Yardsss tends toward the dark and droning and bombastic, with heady, swelling orchestrations.  Perhaps because human voices appear so rarely and the music is so evocative, it occasionally brings to mind Emeralds' Does It Look Like I'm Here?  It doesn't take many listens to understand that Krueger is breaking boundaries not for the sake of being (or seeming) transgressive, but to make sounds that awaken actual feelings—uplifting, inspiring emotions. - Portland Mercury

​The first full-length album from Portland's Yardsss ØØØ is now available to stream and download wherever fine music is sold and streamed.  We'll let the album speak for itself... as well as some music writersss...

"Regarding Krist Krueger's Yardsss: If you read about it before listening, you'd likely mistake it for a liberal arts master's thesis.  Where most bands play "shows," Yardsss puts on "performance case studies" and multimedia installations, including a collection of songs inspired by—not covers of!—avant-garde composer John Cage.  All this could be completely obnoxious except for one thing: Yardsss is transcendentally, earth-shatteringly gorgeous. If you can make music like that, you get to call your show a case study." - Portland Mercury

"Masterfully cohesive listen not for the faint of heart; immerse yourself in chaos and find wabi-sabi in the soothing ferocity of an album straddling shoegaze, electronica and psychedelia as one unifying tone for the present day.  It will blow your fucking mind." - Echoes And Dust

"Delves into soaring drone noise and melody as cacophony reminiscent of late-80s/early-90s Swans, Emeralds and Popul Vuh." - New Noise Magazine

Artist Page • SG Mart • Bandcamp • iTunes • Spotify

Follow Yardsss